This is because if you want more intimacy in your relationship, Holding space for your partner when they are speaking creates connection and connection leads to a sense of safety which ultimately deepens intimacy between you
Connection is a human need and this can be physically, mentally or emotionally
Humans connect often by speaking to each other, letting each other know what is happening in their lives, wanting to share with a loved one, or even conversing about something that feels important to the person. Often in a relationship there may not be agreement on a particular subject. This is where it is super helpful to be able to listen to your partner. You do not have to agree. By keeping an open mind you grow to understand your partner at a deeper level.
When humans feel seen, heard and understood by their partner this creates safety to share more of themselves and leads to the sensual intimacy you both desire
Do you notice when you are speaking, can you tell if your partner is really listening to you or not? Or do you feel that he or she has ‘left the building’ as it were? In other words they are thinking about something else! It is a fact that the attention span of humans these days has definitely decreased. The average attention span is said to be 8.25 seconds. A goldfish is only 5 seconds!
Of course humans can hold concentration for longer but it depends on the content of what they are focussing on. Eg listening to my partner talk about something I have no interest in versus watching something on social media that I am very interested in!
So if you want to increase intimacy with your partner try this fun playful experiment to let each other know how it feels to be heard in a few different ways
Use a timer for 2 minutes
Take turns to talk about your day in great depth ie what happened and how it made you feel
When holding space for your partner try the following five steps (remember it is meant to be light and fun so you can learn about each other) -
Always say Thank You to each other then you might like to take time to share how it felt to each of you
Then swap the sharing and interrupting/holding space practice and let your partner have a turn
Once you have both experienced how this practice felt -
Check in with each other how Holding Space for each other when in discussion might affect your relationship and how it also might change your relationship
KEY is practice practice practice
You cannot get any of this wrong - it is more for your mind and body to feel what it feels, have a laugh, notice what your current pattern has been and what you might prefer to create connection
It helps to create more Curiosity about your partner if you are present and listening
Once a human feels seen, heard and witnessed, nervous systems settle, connection is made and ultimately intimacy feels safer and easier to move towards
Let me know if you have any questions at all as I am happy to answer!