It is more common than you might think!
A couple who deeply love each other, have built a life together, are raising their kids together and are quietly struggling in their intimate life.
I recently received a heartfelt message from a woman ahead of a complimentary call with me.
She and her husband have been together for 10 years, married for 6, with two young children aged 1 and 3.
Their biggest challenge? Sex and intimacy.
She shared how sex has become a source of conflict.
He craves it frequently and expects her to feel the same way, but for her, it feels like something else on her list.
She feels unseen and pressured.
He feels rejected and undesired.
Despite their efforts, from scheduling intimacy to setting rules about when it's okay to initiate, nothing seems to stick.
She says that whatever she does isn’t good enough, that in fact she can’t even hug him without him assuming she wants sex.
So she does not bother!
This couple’s story is incredibly common, especially for parents with young children.
Physical and emotional exhaustion, identity shifts, hormonal changes, and the relentless demands of parenting can deeply impact intimacy.
What once came easily now feels like just one more obligation on a long to-do list.
Here is the truth - neither partner is wrong.
They are simply caught in a cycle of miscommunication and unmet needs.
This is a pattern I see often in my work as an Intimacy Coach.
He’s seeking closeness through physical intimacy.
She’s craving emotional safety first.
Both feel invalidated.
Both are hurting.
That is why I created the 4 Cs of Intimacy framework
To help couples like this move from stuck to connected.
In my coaching, I work with couples to gently unpack these repeating patterns.
First, I listen to each person share their perspective to understand what they are experiencing and needing. Then, together, we focus on building the following -
This is slow, brave work. But it is also deeply rewarding.
If this sounds familiar, please know you are not alone. Many couples find themselves at this exact point.
They are wondering if something is wrong with them, or fearing their relationship might not survive.
But with compassionate support, things can change.
If you and your partner are struggling with mismatched desire, feeling stuck in repeated arguments, or unsure how to reconnect, you do not have to figure it out alone.
My coaching offers a supportive space to explore what is really going on, and to rebuild a foundation of intimacy that works for both of you.
You deserve to feel seen, safe, and desired, in your way, and on your terms.
Contrary to popular belief, people don't just "fall in" and "fall out" of love as if love were some sort of a trapdoor. It's usually a sign that something is not working for one or both partners. Usually it is unmet needs, unresolved resentment, disconnection, or lack of emotional intimacy. Falling out of love is rarely the end!
Learn more
What many couples don’t know is that there are different types of sexual desire. Once you understand whether you have spontaneous or responsive desire, you will realise that there is nothing wrong with you! What is most needed is an understanding between you and your partner to find ways to work with your different types of desire. And it is so possible!
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Many couples fall into the trap of believing that sex should always be spontaneous, natural and effortless. But just like anything else that matters in a relationship, intimacy needs care and sometimes it needs to be talked about, or even scheduled. Rather than waiting for things to break down, some couples are starting a healthier habit: regular, honest check-ins about their sex life because they want to keep their connection strong.
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