Belinda wiley
.
7/9/2025

What Does “I’m Falling Out of Love with You” Really Mean?

What Does “I’m Falling Out of Love with You” Really Mean?

When someone says, "I'm falling out of love with you," it can feel like a crushing blow, but what does it really mean?

Contrary to popular belief, people don't just "fall in" and "fall out" of love as if love were some sort of a trapdoor. 

Love isn't just a feeling - it's a series of actions, choices, and patterns built over time. 

The leading relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that love is maintained through everyday interactions: turning toward each other, expressing

appreciation, and nurturing connection even during conflict. 

When those actions stop, the feeling of love can begin to fade.

So when someone says they're falling out of love, it's usually a sign that something is not working for one or both partners.  Usually it is unmet needs, unresolved

resentment, disconnection, or lack of emotional intimacy.

Often, one or both partners have stopped doing the very things that created the connection in the first place.

Love isn't a passive experience. 

It's a verb. Do you remember what a verb is? It is a ‘doing’ word, ie, you have to actually do stuff, not just say it, or think it!

Being in love grows from doing the little things often and with consistency, 

It includes investing in each other emotionally with eye contact - yes, not helpful when most humans are adopting  the Vodafone pose frequently! 

 It includes listening and being present when you do it!  

It involves kindness, showing you genuinely care for your partner so you reflect this with the words you choose. 

It also includes being vulnerable, which can mean very different things but generally it is being able to show that side of you that doesn’t have all the answers, or being

honest and real when you feel a little worried or unhappy, rather than trying to always be super positive and solving every problem. 

Sharing dreams and goals and planning time together adds to investing in your loving relationship. 

It is being able to repair with each other when there has been an argument, rather than holding on to deep resentment. 

The absence of these efforts is usually what leads to the sensation of "falling out."

The good news? Because love is built through behaviour, it can often be rebuilt. 

If you or your partner feel disconnected, get curious with each other. 

  • What has changed? 

  • What needs are we just not talking about anymore? 

  • What story are you telling yourself?

Falling out of love is rarely the end! 

More often, it's a sign that your relationship needs some attending to.

Engaging a professional coach is often when you let each other know you are taking this seriously, investing in your relationship and you get a third person holding you

accountable so you can take the action required to rebuild that love together.

Want my 2 fave practices for more turn-on in your relationship? 🔥

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.
Follow along on instagram
Instagram feed
Belinda Wiley instagram post
Belinda wiley instagram post
Belinda wiley instagram post