Committing to your relationship changes everything around intimacy
Having both feet in the relationship is vital
Appreciating and prioritising the relationship is healing for both partners.,
Of course childhood wounds will appear in the relationship, but understanding that long-term happiness is possible through learning and growing together is so important
We are often taught to be independent and to tell our partners what we each need by demanding it from them.
Through the teachings of Stan Tatkin in his book Wired for Love and in my own experience, this does not work. It inevitably creates chaos, distance and lots of arguments. When a couple creates a narrative shift and are both focused on, and are willing to meet each others needs, a kind of bubble forms around both partners that starts to feel safe and loving. It helps calm both people’s nervous systems, and the relationship takes on a whole new look and feel. This is because the couple is prioritising the relationship rather than prioritising themselves
By working actively on meeting your partner’s needs and being there for them, you get your own needs met. It is an ongoing practice, but this is what thriving relationships require. And there are plenty of times when you crash back into old habits and patterns. What is wonderful is when you can catch yourself doing this, and very kindly call yourself out or call your partner out in a way that feels light for you both.
Relationships and intimacy are not meant to be so heavy all the time!
When your relationship feels loving, respectful and has many moments of lightness intimacy naturally flows. There is less irritation and resentment and more laughter and playfulness!